How it all began

My Journey to Emma started in August 2005. I was at the beach with my family and spent much of the week praying about my future. I would lay by the pool, watching families and dreaming that someday it would happen to me. I have always wanted to be a Momma and as the years ticked by, my heart seemed to get heavier. One night when we were out to dinner I said, "If I am not married by the time I am 40, I am going to adopt a baby from China." My friend Amaris said, "Why on earth are you waiting until then?" Why was I waiting? Was I hoping that Mr. Right would just happen by? Bear in mind I haven't had a decent date in...well...have I ever had a decent date? Anyway, I started thinking..."Why am I waiting?" I may as well look into it now...while I still have a little energy in me. Maybe if I start now, I won't be the oldest PTA mom! And so it began...

That week at the beach, I went to Barnes and Noble and bought Adoption For Dummies, The Idiots Guide to Adoption, and The Lost Daughters of China, a journal to collect my thoughts...and a mocha frappucino. I read all night that night...I cried through The Lost Daughters of China and in my heart I knew...I knew that there was a baby out there waiting for a Momma like me. I was scared out of my mind...and I think my family was too, but I was going to pursue this adoption. I had so many questions, but a peace like none other!

When I returned from the beach, I did lots of research on the process, agancies, and the cost. I was overcome...No way could I come up with that kind of money...I am a single teacher. I was sitting on the couch praying and crying asking God to show me the way...promising Him that if that's the path He wanted me to follow, I would go. I felt called to this adoption...it wasn't just a whim or a selfish desire though it does fill a need in my heart. Anyway, as I blubbered, I walked back to my bedroom, hit play on my CD player, and started picking up my room. Within the first 30 seconds of the first song, I was sitting on the edge of my bed laughing...As if God had come to answer my questions of "HOW?" The song on the player was the old hymn, Jesus Paid It All. I think God gets a kick out of seeing our response to His answers! I am sure he got a kick out of that one...it was just further confirmation that God was in this and it would happen.

In Ocotber of 2005, I sent in my application to Living Hope Adoption Agency. The same day I sent in my application, I attended my very first China Angels Meeting. In my area, there are several families who have and are adopting from China and we meet together once a month. That meeting was the Harvest Moon Festival. I knew no one there, but we had a crazy connection. At the end of the night, we all gathered around with lit candles and sang,

I see the moon.
And the moon sees me.
God bless the moon
and God bless me.
Please let the light that shines on me
Shine on the ones I love.

I was in tears...my heart was overflowing...when would it happen for me? I was supposed to turn in my candle, but it sits on my windowsill to this day to remind me that God sees me...and God sees Emma and HE will bring us together in HIS time!

The months past and on August 10, 2006, I got the call from Living Hope to start the process. I went back and forth...was I ready? Could I afford it? I don't have time to....I am laughing at that right now as the wait has gotten so long! Anyway, I completed my paperwork, my homestudy visits, traveled to Nashville to be fingerprinted...and then the wait was on for the 171-H. The final piece to the Dossier puzzle. After what seemed like months...well, it was months...the coveted paper arrived. Ironically I was babysitting Elizabeth who was adopted from China in October 2005. When I opened the paper, I wasn't sure if it really was THE FORM. So I called Elizabeth's Dad, Dave...he would know! He said to look in the bottom corner of the paper and there in tiny letters as if they were trying to hide it from me were the letters "FORM 171-H" I started jumping up and down, crying...scared poor Elizabeth...grabbed her up and we hurried to the UPS store to send my now completed paperwork to Living Hope for the final seals. It arrived to LHAA on November 27. On Decmeber 22, 2006 my Dossier was sent to China. As of January 31, 2007 I am "logged in." That means all my paperwork is on file in China and I wait to be reviewed and then matched to my precious Emma. We've got a while to wait...that's why I started this blog...to keep up with what happens during the journey...I don't want to let this precious time fly by without appreciating what God has in store for me as I wait. So hold on...my heart's giving birth!