Saturday, July 26, 2008

Sold Out

I had plans to go to an Improv night at a local theater. My friend Cherith and I went early to get us all tickets. She got three for her and two for her friends. I was next in line and the girl said, "Sorry, we're sold out." I thought she was kidding...she wasn't. What to do? There were 4 of us there...and only 3 tickets. I volunteered to be the one to not go...I got to go last night. Problem solved. WAIT - No way home. I couldn't drive their cars home...I can't drive a stick. I was stranded...voluntarily stranded. I was ok with this...I called my friends Matt and Sydney who were supposed to meet us there and explained that the show was sold out but could they still come to come get me and take me home. It's good friends who will drive 30 miles to come get you when gas is $4 a gallon! Thanks, Syd and Matt!

I was really fine with not going...this has not been a stellar week and the time alone - waiting on my ride - gave me time to think. Sometimes my heart feels kind of "sold out." I come up to the counter with this issue or that, and it's as if my heart says, "Sorry, I am all sold out of compassion. Nope, no forgiveness in stock. Patience...there won't be any in until next week." I feel sad, frustrated, confused, and even scared. Where does the strength come from to deal with things when your heart just doesn't have it? My mind KNOWS the answer to this...and it's easy to say, but harder to do. My perspective gets lost in the shuffle of confusion.

I usually listen to contemprary Christian music...I like to fill my mind with good things, you know? Anyway, as I listened to these songs all full of hope, I got frustrated...they make it sound so simple..."surrender," "forgive," "pray and it will all be better." Life just isn't that simple is it??? It doesn't always seem that way for me anyway. There are times I've prayed for help and don't seem to find it or feel it. This song in particular, really touched me, moved my heart...but also left me it really just that simple???

I Bless Your Name

Words and Music by Elizabeth Goodine

(It's on Selah's CD Hiding Place)

In prisoners' chains
With bleeding stripes
Paul and Silas prayed that night
And in their pain
began to sing
Their chains were loosed
And they were free

I bless Your Name
I bless Your Name
I give You honor,
give You praise
You are the Life,
the Truth, the Way
I bless Your Name
I bless Your Name

Some midnight hour
If you should find
You're in a prison in your mind
Reach out and praise
Defy those chains
And they will fall
In Jesus' Name

We bless Your Name
We bless Your Name
We give You honor, give You praise
You are the Life, the Truth, the Way
We bless Your Name
We bless Your Name
You are the Life, the Truth, the Way
We bless Your Name
We bless Your Name

I know that my strength, my healing, my very life, comes from my precious Lord, but sometimes - today - it's just harder than that. My heart doesn't feel it.

But here's the great part...even though I don't feel it...I know and I trust in HIS POWER to heal and FILL my heart again...and I will wait expectantly...I believe, Lord. Help my unbelief!

1 comment:

Kristi Jefferson said...

I love the phrase "defy those chains." Keep fighting, Ang. Love you!