- I am with an agency that only does adoptions from China. There's no chance to change to a country that might move a little quicker.
- I have already sunk thousands of dollars into this adoption.
- Even if I found Mr. Right - or Mr. Rich - I can't marry until the adoption is complete because I am adopting as a single. If I married, I would be back at square one - and out of China because I do not meet any of their new requirements.
- I don't make enough money to meet the financial requirements to do a concurrent adoption or pregnancy while I wait for 2014!
In my heart of hearts though, I know Emma is in China...I still feel that...I think...it's hard to say when my heart just wants her so bad! I am longing for her and have been for so long that I almost can't imagine her as anything but an almond eyed ladybug! I can't describe the ache in my heart...I can't describe the love I feel for this little one who is probably not even in the world...yet.
Have I heard God wrong all this time? That's what I worry...Maybe this was not His plan at all...maybe I am in the way of what He wants to do...But then I have to look back at the many prayers I prayed and the many ways He quietly nudged me along this path.
And so I pray...
"Don't fret or worry.
Instead of worrying, pray.
Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers,
letting God know your concerns.
Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness,
everything coming together for good,
will come and settle you down.
It's wonderful what happens
when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."
Philippians 4:6-7 The Message