Saturday, July 10, 2010

...but now I am found

My mind has been in China today.  Thinking of a woman who made a long, lonely walk two years ago today (well, yesterday's 2 am!)...July 9, 2008.  She walked up these same stairs...down the the pediatric unit.  There she left the baby she carried for nine months...the baby she had held and loved and cared for for two months until she was forced to make a choice.  Maybe Emma's heart condition was causing her problems and she didn't know what to do...maybe they already had 1 child...maybe her husband and inlaws forced her...maybe they didn't have the money to care for her...her early years and all just "maybes."

In China, it is illegal to place your child for adoption.  The families are still under the "one child policy"  that was put in place in the early 1980's as a way to slow the population growth in China.    Families who break this law can face huge fines, they can lose special education benefits and job opportunities.  They can lose their jobs - their homes...

What are they supposed to do when faced with that kind of problem? 

I imagine that she thought of a place where her baby would be found quickly...where she would be protected from the heat of the day.  She left her here... the pediatric gate of the hospital. 

She was found by a caretaker there.  I actually have his name...wish I could have talked to see if he remembered anything about that day...What was the weather?  What was she wearing?  Did she cry?  Was she sick?  The man called the police.  The police searched the area trying to find her family, but they were unable to do so.  She was then taken to the local orphanage where she lived for nearly two years. 

My heart breaks to think about what this dear woman must have felt as she set the bundle down...and walked away.  Did she stay close by and watch to see when the baby was found?  Did she walk away quickly for fear she would be caught?  So many questions in my mind...questions that we will never know the answer to and I wonder how I will answer Emma when she asks about her China Mom.  Lord, give me the words...give me the grace... 

My heart is so torn - thrilled that I have this most precious baby sleeping upstairs who has infectious giggles and gives big hugs and slobbery kisses- but broken for all she has lost in her short life and all she will never know.

So, dear China Mom...bless you.  I am so sorry that you were in such a situation that you were forced to leave this sweet girl.  I imagine you must have wanted to keep her.  Why else would you care for her for 2 months before leaving her to be found?  I pray that in some way you will know that she is safe, healthy, cared for and loved so big! 


Becky said...

No greater love. I hope in her heart she knows Emma is deeply loved. You can always tell Emma that her birth mother was a woman of courage who loved her deeply.

Jessica said...

This post is extremely touching. As I read it I felt your pain for Emma's birth mother. Your empathy will be passed on to Emma and she will know that she is one very lucky girl indeed. She has known two women who will sacrifice for her needs. Thank you for sharing this very personal story.

Monica said...

Angie, this is precious. I think Emma will read this in years to come and know that she has been blessed with two wonderful women who have loved her as only a mom could.