Saturday, February 14, 2009

I just can't describe it...

Tonight I was overcome by the strangest feeling. It's time - again - to be fingerprinted for my adoption. I can't for the life of me figure out why I must be fingerprinted every 15 months - or why it must always happen in a Federal Building...but I will do it cause it will get me to my baby! Anyway, I was filling out the forms and writing the letter and listing the adults in my household and preparing to get the money order, when I was totally overcome. I had to sit back and kind of gather myself. It was a feeling of hope and longing and just a gamut of emotions...it's like I have been waiting for so long and when it's time to renew paperwork - it's just a different feeling when I am in a more active role. Most of the time, it's just waiting...but right now - at this moment, Emma is depending on me in a sense. It feels good to feel as if I have even this tiniest bit of control - this bit of something to do that will get me closer to my sweet baby - It's in MY hands - not some stranger in Memphis, or China...it's in MY hands.

And maybe...just maybe...this will be the last time I have to be refingerprinted...

3 comments:

Sturgill said...

I remember these feelings just like yesterday. Hard to imagine its been 4 years since Karen was placed in our life.

There were times when I didn't think I could take the wait another second without going insane. I would pour over thousands of blogs, looking at happy families whose red thread gave me hope and courage to accept the wait would end with my baby snuggled in my arms.

I pray you find and feel this peace.

Sandee said...

Hang in there. Tiffany told me about you! :) I am a single momma as well, and adopted my daughter from China. I adopted a toddler, special needs, so it was a itty bit quicker. She came home June 2006 one month shy of 3 years old. Took me 2 years start to finish. I remember how hard the waiting is...

I am not adopting again, from Ethiopia.... and it has almost been a year (March) since my referral.

I know the waiting and paperwork gets so tiresome. I have found God uses the wait time, if I let him.

Hugs.

Waiting4Audrey said...

I LOVE the Music on your blog! Especially ""It might be hope". I am really hoping for a speed up and to see our babies faces at the end of this year!