Monday, July 13, 2009

It was...a trip...

I've gotten so behind that I don't know where to start to catch up...

I went on vacation to Myrtle Beach with my Mom and Dad. Some people enjoy going to quiet beaches...not us. We like to lounge by the beach and pool during the day, but want to be able to shop at night! (Well, Dad golfs during the day and tolerates us shopping at night.) It was a good week...perfect weather. I did have some battles during the week though...

I prefer to lay by the pool...I like to see where I swim and not have things biting my ankles. The pool at our condo was rather small and had a limited number of lounge chairs. People would go to the pool, claim chairs, and then not lay in them for HOURS. So the next day, I was at the pool at 9:00 - the time it opened. By the time I got there, every chair was claimed. Unbelievable. I seethed as I watched these chairs sit empty all day. The next day, I arrived at 8:00 (having gotten up at 7:30 on vacation - which should NEVER happen on purpose) - determined to get a chair...and I did...only to realize that the reason no one was there that day was because the pool was CLOSED due to a chemical problem. Not my idea of fun. So I prepared myself for the next day...Thought I was going to have to get out my sherriff's badge, stick horse, and cap gun to get myself a chair. For the rest of the week, I was at the pool by about 8 even though "Gussie"- the pool nazi - said I couldn't lay on her pool deck till she was done with her work. I would stand there and wait until she hosed everything down and then, I would get myself any chair in the place I wanted...and lay out until noon or so - which for my fair skin was probably best. Gussie did end up being a friend though. She vowed to protect me and make sure I got a pool chair every day! She even said she'd move towels for me if people weren't laying on them. Then I would rest inside for the afternoon or go to the beach and lay under the umbrella with my momma. I don't particularly enjoy sand though. Just a minor detail at the beach. But I had to go down at least once to say I had actually been to the ocean!

One of my friends came down for a few days. I actually rode home with her. We used my GPS so we wouldn't get lost. it was...interesting to say the least. By the time we got home, I was wondering if I could still get a refund on that little gadget. We had input the address and were following her directions...but then they seemed to be very different from the familiar route. believe me, there was nothing familiar about this route! We went through every po-dunk town between east Tennessee and Myrtle Beach. Being the stand up comic I am, I began making up jokes...

If your town only has one light...and it's blinking, you might be a po-dunk town.
If your town has street names like "Possum Belly Rd." and "Bubba's Crossing" you might be a po-dunk town.
If the fine dining in your town consists of Mable's Country Fixin's, you might be a po-dunk town.
If the only grocery store in your town is a road side produce stand, you might be a po-dunk town.
If travelers see some road kill and worry that might be served on their plate if they stop, you might be a po-dunk town.
If the only business establishments in your town are fireworks stands, produce stands, and tattoo parlors, you might be a po-dunk town.

It was eventful...let me tell you. We were rarely on the interstate...most of the drive was in town...and we were helpless...not sure how to get to an interstate. Guess we could've asked, but we were hopeful that the trip would get better.

It didn't.

Being that it was the 4th of July and we were contually traveling through po-dunk hall of fame, we kept coming upon town parades. I wanted to just join the parade, put her top down (it was a convertible) and do my "Miss Amer1ca wave" down the street making everyone wonder who on earth I was...cause you know, everybody knows everybody in those towns. Thankfully though, we managed to enter town just before or just after the parade, so we were not unavoidable detained. Wonder if my GPS has a button to avoid all small town parades...might oughta look that up!

We thought we had made it through the worst...we were nearing the end...we thought. Then, there were THE MOUNTAINS. We aren't talking nice, meandering roads through the forest, we're talking butt-kissing-turn mountains! It was awful! Thought I was going to leave my road kill lunch on the side of the road...kind of appropriate though, in hind sight. Anyway, on one of these roads, my friend spies a beer box in our lane. Nothing coming the other direction, so I think she will go around on the other side, but NO! She veres to the edge of a CLIFF - on my side - to avoid that stupid box! I grabbed the handrail, tensed my whole body, and yelled, "I'm on the bleedin' side" sure that I was about to plummet to my death. thankfully, even though there was NO shoulder, we remaind on solid ground and once my stomach returned to it's rightful place, I was able to yell at her appropriately for nearly killing me.

Finally we came upon familiar territory...ahhhh....

Earlier that day, I wasn't looking forward to going home necessarily, but by the end of that ride, nothing looked better than my grass-less, mud-puddled, construction site home. It was...a trip!

1 comment:

Rochelle said...

I love reading your blog. You have the best stories.