I am still not totally unpacked...don't be surprised. When I moved into this house, there were still boxes that I hadn't unpacked at the house before. BUT, I was determined to get everything unpacked as this is my official-I-plan-to-stay-here-for-a-while-house. So I have been working on getting the last few boxes unpacked. I am not really a pack rat...I can throw things out, but there is just so much I want to keep. I've watched those organization and cleaning shows enough to know that you don't have to have "THE THING" to keep the memory. So I've been going though lots of stuff. (Don't tell my dad, but I threw away a basket. It was broken, but he - being a true pack rat, would have salvaged it for something.)
One night, I went through a file of letters and cards that I have saved through the years - some made me laugh, and some made me cry...all of them made my heart smile!
Then there was the stack of old birthday, Christmas, and Valentine's cards. I opened one signed, "always, G.B." and was knocked, sobbing, to the floor. It was from my Granny...she always signed everything, "G.B." The memories - the joy of our days at her house came flooding back, but they were overpowered by the intense pain of knowing I will not see her anymore in this life. It hurt. In my chest, I felt this painful weight...I was all of a sudden hit by this grief that I didn't know I hadn't let myself experience. i guess I had been so worried about being strong or not letting my tears show, that I had pushed my grief away.