Monday, November 22, 2010

That was then...

On May 9, 2010, I held my daughter for the very first time.  I had waited for her my whole life...prayed specifically for her for nearly 5 years of paperwork and hoop-jumping.  Tonight as I looked through these China pics tonight, I just cried.  She's changed so much...These were our very first moments together.  Thinking back to that day, it's hard to describe.  Such a blur, yet crystal clear.  When we walked into the room, she was right there.  I knew her from the back of her head.  I stooped down...and said, "An Gui Lan?...Momma?"  I didn't know if there was any protocol, but I didn't care...I picked her up and nearly exploded.  She was calm...just taking it all in.  She felt so perfect in my arms.

 And then...the tears began.  I think she realized that a stranger was holding her.  It was stressful in the room.  Lots of people and crying kiddos.  I can't imagine what it felt like to her little heart.  I was blissfully happy, yet her life was in an uproar...everything she'd ever known was changing in an instant.
 And now...6 short months later, it's as if we've always been together.  Here we are this weekend at a dear friend's wedding.  More on that to come.

She's such a precious angel and I can't imagine my life without her...or with any other child. 
She was destined to be mine. 

We had our 6 month post placement visit this month.  It was not storybook by any stretch!  She was jumping on the couch while I talked with my social worker.  I told her to stop jumping and she laughed at me...yes.  My two year old laughed at me.  Then she yelled, "NO!  NO!  NO!" at her doggie and threw him down in a huff.  I thought, "Great!  Now Sharon will think that's what I do to poor Emma."   Then, she threw a bunch of papers and pictures that I had organized for the social worker off the ottoman on purpose.  She was putting on a shine...and not in a good way.  It was not ideal, for sure.  But you know what...she's mine.  For the good, the bad, the ups and downs...She's mine! 
I am thankful that Sharon, my social worker, knows that 2 year olds are just like that sometimes...
adopted or biological...they all have their moments...and I have mine, too! 

Anyway...that was then...this is now.  I can't believe how fast the time is going. 


Ashley said...

You and Emma are absolutely stunningly gorgeous in the bridesmaid and flower girl dresses! I can see the joy radiating from both of you in every picture that you post!

tiffany said...

So fun catching up on your blog a bit tonight and so happy for your dreams coming true in the form of that sweet and naughty :) girl. You both looked so pretty for the wedding!