Wednesday, June 17, 2009

well...not much...

Not much going on in the China adoption world. It's been about 70 days since China sent out a batch of referrals. Typically referrals come every 25-35 days. I am guessing the problem has to do with swine flu, but that's not been confirmed.



Frustrated doesn't even begin to describe my feelings. It's been just short of 4 years since I started the adoption process. When I walk around town or in stores and I see people with 3 and 4 children who don't appear to be very well taken care of - and I so desperately want to be a momma...it just seems so unfair. Unfair that I have to go through YEARS of paperwork and waiting...and some don't even care for the ones they have. It's just wrong!

Over the past month, I have been praying about a situation that kind of fell in my lap. My friend, K, has a friend who is expecting a baby. The last time K talked to her she said that, "she is seriously considering placing this child for adoption." K told her about me and that I would be interested in talking with her about the possibility of adopting her baby. She was interested and did not mind the fact that I was single. She is due late this fall. She is to find out the sex of the baby sometime this month.

here's the problem...K hasn't been able to talk to her since that first conversation. She has not returned phone calls. I know there must be so much going on in her mind. So I ask you tonight to pray for her and the birth father that they would have the strength and wisdom to make the best decision for them and for this baby - whatever that decision may be. Also, please pray that God will help me to guard my heart and prepare me for His plan...whatever that is!

I was telling all of this to a friend and just trying to process everything...I mean, I have so much invested in China already...but she said to me, "Angie, what do you really want? Do you want to be a momma to a baby from China? or do you just want to be a momma? Maybe this is God's answer. It may not be what you had in mind, but always remember that God has your best interest at heart." So I prayed about that for a long while...and truly - I just want to be a momma...I don't care where the child is from...I just want to be a momma.

My God knows my heart - he knows every twist and turn of my brain. He knows my desires...every one! And I fully trust that He will either fulfill these desires in HIS time or he will change my desires. The kicker is waiting on HIS time...

I've watched lately how things seem to be falling in to place...I have a new house close to my parents...my debt is being payed off - slowly, but I'm working on it!...God is faithful - I believe that with everything in me! But I would be lying if I said it was easy to trust Him...I am trying to find the balance between being an active participant in His will and trying to manipulate His will. Tough place, let me tell you!

So I will wait...and pray A LOT!!!!

5 comments:

The Raudenbush Family said...

Wow. I will pray right now for this child and for you--that you would rest in His plan for you and be very aware of his presence.
Kelly

Monica said...

Angie, I know that God hears the cries of your heart. He even holds your tears in a bottle. His plan is never what we can imagine- it's even better. I'll be praying along with you.

Cindy said...

Oh Angie!!!! I know you will become a Momma eventually! Where ever and how ever your child comes to you, I know one thing for sure, this child will be so well loved!!! And this child will love you back something fierce! I can hardly wait to see the two of you together :) Keep your faith, friend!
Love, Cindy

Susan said...

We love you Ang. There's not much left to say other than we are here for you and want to walk with you down that twisty curvy path.
a hug.
S.

Erica said...

Believe me, I am a living, breathing, walking example of someone who is not living the the dream that I envisioned for myself. But honestly? I am having far more fun! The thought of raising a boy two years ago FRIGHTENED me. I have no brothers, no close male cousins or uncles. It was always my sister, mom and my dad. Now I am raising my son and having a ball. I still want to have my little girl someday, but my son has brought SOOO much fun and light into my life. He is beyond compare. I'm glad God forced me out of my comfort zone.