Saturday, November 7, 2009

I knew it was coming...

It hit and I missed it.  It's been over 1,000 days since I was logged in for Emma's adoption.  And that's just since LOG IN...that doesn't count the 5 months before that of paperwork and waiting.  Nor does it count the year prior to that that I was waiting on a single's spot with my agency...

Somedays I lose sight of what I am waiting for...this week has been one of those at times.  I've emailed the agency that is supposed to get Faith's referral.  The lady who responded was so cold...she had no compassion for the desperateness of my plea...no heart for the time I've waited...not even ears for my story.  I just sat at my computer and cried.  Sometimes I just look at that little sweet face...and it still takes my breath away...

How many more days?  How many more posts about waiting?  How many more months will I add to my count?  I'm at nearly 34 now...it just feels hopeless.  But more than that I feel anger...anger because I know there are babies who need homes and families, but yet they are laying in an orphanage - sometimes with very little care.  I am becoming more and more convinced that this is all a plot...a ploy to "rid" the country of it's children with special needs.  Please don't misunderstand me...I am not saying that these children are not of value...they certainly are, but I think China may see them as more of a burden to their future.  And slowing the wait down is certainly raising awareness of and frequency of special needs adoptions. 

Just my thoughts...for what they are worth...

7 comments:

Monica said...

Oh, Angie. I'm so sad for you and for your little one. May God sustain and protect you both as you wait. Don't give up.

The Raudenbush Family said...

Hang in there. I know it's hard. We've had a very hard few weeks in the adoption journey ourselves. And, I also fell in love with a child I found online over the summer. I tried all I could to get that girl's file. But, it just wasn't meant to be. We trust that God is in control even over logistics of a communist government office. Big hugs to you -
Kelly

Chrissy said...

Aww.. Angie, You have been in my prayers! I know it is hard and the wait is terrible!! My heart is heavy for all the kids/babies that are waiting and it is the "politics" of the process that keep them waiting!

Praying for you!

tiffany said...

ugh. I am so sorry for your ridiculously long wait and for the children who will not have families of their own due to this ridiculousness. Just ridiculous.

Rhonda said...

Angie, I am so sorry for your wait. I do understand. It took us forever, but when it's over, you'll look back and see many reasons. I do, however, join you in the anger about how they are holding back these children. It confuses and bewilders me more than anything I can think of. But as for you, the LORD hears your pleas of desperation and longing for motherhood. He hears, and He cares. I'll be prayin'! He IS in control in China!

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Erica said...

Actually, I think you are probably right. I mean, what happens to the SN kids once they age out of the system? Do they wind up on the streets? I'm guessing they do.

Are singles still allowed to do SN adoptions? i received an email from my agency in September telling me I couldn't adopt SN/WC any longer. have you heard otherwise?